The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, making love carries tremendous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and nearness .

But when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, check that but they prioritize see post physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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