The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .

However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that many of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in metropolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay males wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is useful source a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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